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05 September 2011

Top 5 Regrets People make on their Deathbed


A Nurse working in a Western hospital reveals the top 5 regrets people make on their deathbed - I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone's capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.    When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five: 


1. I wish I'd had the courage to truly served the God, following live a life true to myself, my inner faith  not the false life to please others they as expected of me. 
   This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. 
   It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it. 


2. I wish I didn't work so hard. 


   This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence. 
   By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle. 


3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

   Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result. 
   We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win. 


4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my dear ones, friends, parents.

   Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving relationship & friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Many miss their friends & parents when they are dying. 
   It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip.. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships. 


5. I wish that I had let myself be happier. 


   This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.    When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying. 
Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.  Find out 
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Why We Exist? 
What is Purpose of Life?

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This short life is a trial, the fruits of belief good or evil works will rewarded in hereafter: “Then did you think that We created you in vain and that to Us you would not be returned?  Therefore exalted be God, the Sovereign, the Truth; no deity is there save Him, Lord of the Supreme Throne.” (Quran 23:115-116)


Giving up Hope of the Mercy of Allah is a crime in itself, according to Quran:




"Lo! Allah pardoneth not that partners should be ascribed unto him. He pardoneth all save that to whom He will. Whoso ascribes partners unto Allah has wandered far astray."(Qur'an;4:116)




"Say: 'O my Servants who have transgressed against their souls! Despair not of the Mercy of God: for God forgives all sins (except shirk): for He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.'" (39:53)


"And it is He who accepts repentance from His servants and pardons the evil deed and knows what you do." (42:25)


"...if any of you did evil in ignorance, and thereafter repented and amended (your conduct), lo! Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful." (6:54)


"Forgiveness is only incumbent on Allah towards those who do evil out of ignorance and then turn quickly (in repentance) to Allah. Toward them will Allah turn in mercy; for Allah is full of knowledge and wisdom. whereas repentance shall not be accepted from those who do evil deeds until their dying hour and then say, "Behold, I now repent"; nor from those who die as deniers of the truth: it is these for whom We have readied grievous suffering." (4:17-18)


"And We brought the children of Israel across the sea; and thereupon Pharaoh and his hosts pursued them with vehement insolence and tyranny, until [they were overwhelmed by the waters of the sea. And] when he was about to drown, [Pharaoh] exclaimed: "I have come to believe that there is no deity save Him in whom the children of Israel believe, and I am of those who surrender themselves unto Him!" [But God said:] "Now?" when ever before this thou hast been rebelling [against Us], and hast been among those who spread corruption? [Nay,] but today We shall save only thy body, so that thou mayest be a [warning] sign unto those who will come after thee: for, behold, a good many people are heedless of Our messages!"(Quran;10:90-92)